Life Raft

Where is the help? That's what I've been wondering lately as I develop material for my one person show, Loveswell going up May 1st at the Hudson Theatre in LA. Rehearsing has been so much fun and at the same time really life affirming and a huge awareness builder of issues and how they are handled between my wife and I.

I feel as if we are on this life raft sometimes floating out and about in this ocean called life. Experiencing the world together; rowing our little boat here and there. And all is wonderful, that is until one of us skips the oar and falls out of the boat. It's as if the boat is drifting slowly away, you are trying to get back to it, treading water in the middle of the ocean, reaching desperately for the side of the life raft.

But your partner is upset that you've fallen out! And as you reach for her, she's taking the oar and hitting you on the head for falling out in the first place! Hitting me and hitting me until I'm pushed under the water drifting downward toward the bottom of the ocean. Where is the hand? Where is the help? Help me?! Help me when I've made a mistake, forgotten something at the grocery store, snored in the middle of the night, given too big a tip to a waiter, or past the exit to the movies. Why is it always, John, what are you doing?!

I don't know what it is about feeling as if she has to keep trying to get an answer for why the brain forgets things or skips a beat and makes a mistake. Maybe she's a scientist and like everyone else, she's just trying to figure out the billion dollar question that'll make us all more efficient or just more accepted by our spouces.

But I'm overwhelmed and it's easy to see why I forgot one thing at the grocery. I know you said it a million times, but I have a million things on my mind. So why doesn't she say, Oh, honey I understand, you are so busy, no worries, we'll just make it without the salsa. Instead, it's why, why, but why, no really why, how come, you had a list, did you cross it off, can I see the list, why, why, why?

Your hand, your hand is all I want to know that you love me no matter what. I thought of this recently in rehearsal, the life raft. I think we all need a hand back in, that's why we tell our stories. That's why I'm telling Loveswell, so we can stay in the boat enjoying the scenery of life.